withdrawl symptoms ...

i'm depressed.This is the first 48 hours I've spent without smoking up in ... many moons.This morning I woke up at bloody 8am, then later, I snapped at my mom. :(Sobriety is not good for me, I am not happy.I need to be pacified, placated and get my glow onin order to function at all.Some friendly someone will come to my aid, I'm sure,or there will be a minor killing spree in Victoria, BC.I find I get so angry when I'm straight & sober,The world is fucked, and I'm too hyper-aware of it.I need my organic anti-depressent back. :(in squeaky Jeff Goldbloom from The Fly voice: ".... Hellp Meeee!"

drink the coffee, cut the roses

I'm finally finding some time to spend on reflecting... and in the quiet moments, Ican find some peace. Joy does not come easy,anymore, but it will again. Once I get my heart back into practise. I'm getting my priorities straight, working my way towardsfeeling alive again. I'm going to snowboardthis winter, yes, and as well I'm going to keep myself busy doing the things I love. I feel like I might be on the verge of "getting my shit together" as they say... but I've felt this way before, the trick isto follow through with it this time. The more time I spend listening to my heartbeat and remembering to relax and breathe, the better I will feel. Of course, food is always a major factor in life and the quality thereof; eating well for a change has remindedme what a difference nutrition really makes in health, physical, mental, emotional and spritual.As I get all these elements in order, I will beable to focus on my grand projects ...and actually make them happen!I will not pass up any opportunities to followmy dreams. the time is now. my life is real.Bring On Balance.

yuletide vibes

well, I'm here in Vancouver, hanging out with my mum,we're now drinking run & egg-nog, and after dinner,we're going to trim the norwood pine we got today.sometimes I do have Norman Rockwell-y moments in my family. It's sure been nice being here.Went to see the Chamber of Secrets last night; don't bother. Sure am looking forward to the Two Towers though.Got my cousin a gift he's just going to love today. Wheeee, I guess I'm getting into the Yule season...Happy Secular Holiday, kids. Ho Ho Ho.

I'm not touchi...

I'm not touching this with a 10 foot pole.I just realised, everyone on my 'friends' list is ppl I know from real life. Spooky.

yay, trip!

well, I'm heading to the coast for a week, to spend time with Mom, get loved and get fed.Life's been too stressful lately; it's been crazy in fact.It'll be really good for me to spend some time getting healthy again, and gain some perspective... I am free, and my dream winter is before me.I need to relax and start enjoying life again.I'm also going to Victoria to see my cousin Brandon act in a production of 'The Hobbit'which I'm especially excited about, because I did the same thing when I was 7.